Bianca M Milliern LMHC

LPC, LMHC

The most profound lesson has been that all therapy work is essentially grief work on some level. When I listen to a client tell me why they have come in, or if I am 15 sessions deep with that client, they will inevitably reveal experiences of grief to me. Grief comes in so many shapes and forms. It is not just loss, but can be micro experiences of shame, rejection, loneliness, pain, sickness, abandonment, embarassment and much more. This leads to the uncovering of the ultimate grief: loss of the authentic self.

I have been asked this question quite a few times and it is an important one, not just for me but for the field as a whole. As a younger therapist, I asked myself this question a lot and I worried about it too. Nearly a decade later, I have learned to look for certain markers as beacons of progress. I am going to list them as they unfold from session one onwards: - Increased awareness of tension in the body, increased ability to breathe mindfully. - Ability to use words to tell your story. - Creation of a Loss Inventory: a written list of all experiences of loss (perceived and real) from age 0 to now - Awareness of negative, self-harming inner talk, ability to notice and track this internal tape. - Development of the ability to bring compassion to self and wounded parts. - Active identification and management: a daily practice of tracking, reflecting and creating space for the mind-body connection. - Decrease in denial, anxiety, depression, tuning out behaviors and avoidance. - Increase in energy, focus, healthy sleep patterns and enhanced relationship quality. This is whittled down to the bare bones obviously, but these are markers I work towards. The timeline is unique for each person, but if I had to provide a general average I would say the one year mark is where one can expect to have hit each of the markers.

I am an adult immigrant to the United States. I was born and raised in South Africa. I have lived on three major continents. I qualified as an attorney in South Africa, where I practiced family law. I have many life experiences on which I draw in the therapy room. These experiences are gifts I use to find parts of myself in others experiences.