Amber Havekost

LPC

It's not technically a book or movie, but it is a quote that I deeply resonate with: A Medicine Woman's Prayer I will not rescue you. For you are not powerless. I will not fix you. For you are not broken. I will not heal you. For I see you, in your wholeness. I will walk with you through the darkness As you remember your light. - Sheree Bliss Tilsley

I believe therapy to be a connection between humans trying to do their best existing in this hard but meaningful place. There is no power differential. There is no 'you have it better or worse' comparison. There is no expectation of having it (or keeping it) together. Rather, we all deserve to be valued, believed, esteemed, and empowered. Being human is complex, so much more "both/and" rather than "either/or"...it's complicated with lots of twists and turns and upside-downs. Yet, we are surrounded by an expectation of "if things are easy, I must be doing something right." Life has taught me SO MUCH MORE in the complex than it ever has in the 'ease.' I am a survivor of childhood abandonment and domestic abuse, child and adult sexual trauma, relational and physical trauma, cancer, and spiritual abuse. I've learned to be both "take no shit" and "a soft place to land"; I've learned nothing is wasted but not everything has to have a reason; I've learned compassion is a powerful healer; I've learned I can do hard things and I can believe in others to do the same; I've learned the difference in being responsible to people and not for them which keeps me from manipulating them; and I've learned not to shrink myself. All of these things make me the counselor I am. I feel deeply, I think deeply, I care deeply.

My short answer: Progress doesn't look only one way. It could be in the major breakthroughs, it could be in the small wins, it could even be in the steps backwards. Investing, exploring, and showing up...THAT is progress. My longer answer: Often "success" is such a word intertwined with the experience of shame. We have been taught to feel shame for failing, for not getting it right, for not knowing something. And as soon as we bring "success" into therapy, we already create an environment of battling shame. I am intentional, as a non-shaming counselor, to work within a framework of compassion instead of shame. That, in and of itself, is progress. And a metaphor for good measure: Since the shame and preconceived notions of success actually puts life on a 'success <--> failure' two-lane road with no exits, in therapy together (within the framework of compassion and open mindedness) we look to expand the road. We want it to have more lanes (slow lanes included), more exits, more scenery, more rest stops, more restaurants on route, more u-turns, more speed bumps.... each of these things can be considered progress and can lend to a sense of success redefined.