Mr. Elliot Lee

Associate Marriage and Family Therapist|Clinically Supervised

Growing up, I faced various challenges during adolescence and depression that lasted 20+ years. As others in our profession often say, my research into psychology and counseling began as "me-search." Every step of the way that led out of this protracted battle with depression was a hard-earned achievement and something that I had to fight for and understand. I have seen five counselors throughout my life, but the most important relationships for my healing were forged outside the therapeutic context. This led me to think hard about the heart and soul of my vocation to be a therapist and what it is that I hope to provide for my clients.

While every client who comes into the therapy room has a different story to tell, most share a desire to be rid of the negative emotions and experiences of life. This deep judgment of our experiences and the desire to control are called the emotional control agenda. The uncomfortable truth is that insofar as we desire to control our experiences in this way, we are bound to be disappointed. This agenda has to give way to give rise to a very different stance in life, one that's willing to relate intimately to both positive and negative emotions and experiences. What arises in this space is a certain kind of liveliness and meaning that becomes the background for all our experiences. This, I believe, is the recipe for a good and mature life.

There are three things that a therapist must provide for the client: unconditional positive regard, accurate empathy, and congruence. In other words, does the therapist have belief in the worthwhileness of every individual even when a client is stuck? Accurate empathy is about attunement. Has the therapist experienced enough to track and understand the client's experience? And lastly, congruence is about realness. Is the therapist the kind of person whose words the client believes? I believe these three components provide the necessary foundation for turning everything that happens in the therapy room into a grist for the mill.