Mx. Michele "Misha" James-Parham

Licensed Social Worker|Clinically Supervised

I wrote a little short bit about this process right before starting graduate school. I think it sums up my journey quite well. When I was a little kid, like as young as 9 years old, I kept a notebook. In this notebook were the names of my made up patients, their issues, and the advice that I gave them. I also noted if their situations improved or not. Occasionally, I would record these details for real people like my friends, when they would talk to me about their problems. I would either simply hold space for them to feel their feels and talk themselves into what they needed to do, or I would offer what seemed like common sense suggestions. I kept a notebook like this in some form or another until I was around 16 years old. But the names were eventually all real people from real conversations that I had with them. Conversation about their worries, fights with friends and lovers, lies they had told, drugs they had tried, and how their feelings about their “inside gender” and “outside gender” not being the same. I had never been to a therapist until I was 16 years old. I am not even sure how or why I got the idea to start keeping a notebook with made up patients when I was 9. But that’s what I did. It’s as though I just instinctually knew. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would tell them that I was going to be a parent and a psychologist. (When I was little, I assumed everyone who was a counsellor or therapist type person was a psychologist.) I eventually found my way into being a peer counsellor for those who were survivors of sexual assault and those in recovery. I continued to be that person, the one that everyone comes to when they need a sounding board, someone to hold space, someone to provide a “voice of reason”, and someone to just be a witness to their process. Even as a midwife, some of my biggest strengths are my abilities to listen, to empathise, to see the bigger picture while holding space for the details, to walk a client back from the edge of their feelings of defeat or failure, to craft plans to get clients out of abusive relationships, to crowdsource necessities for clients, to find them other sympathetic providers who will also value autonomy, to love them like all life-bringers deserve to be loved, and to help a client reframe obstacles as opportunities. Then there is my chaplaincy and spiritual/life coaching. Usually focused around supporting someone at some point in their abortion journey. Holding space for grief and loss and second chances at life. Creating beautiful rituals and memorials to mark powerful transformations. Unpacking religious shame to make way for spiritual growth. A literal tightrope walk between what I have always done and what the “professionals” do. And now, here I am, an LSW. Accruing hours for my LCSW. Doing the professional hoop-jumping. Performing my competence. In order to start a new notebook.

I am unapologetically queer and transgender; I am unapologetically affirming of queer, transgender, and other people of a similar lived experience; and I would not be a good fit for clients who view these identities and expressions as “lifestyle choices” or “mental illnesses”. However, I would be more than happy to work with parents of queer/trans children or other people who are striving to overcome their biases/prejudices toward queer/trans people and others who challenge their beliefs and knowledge regarding sexuality, gender, and relationships. I am unapologetically affirming of people who engage in sex work, kink, BDSM, consensual/ethical nonmonogamy, relationship anarchy, or other alternative relationship or family structures. I do not believe that these choices automatically stem from a person experiencing trauma, nor do I believe that engaging in these choices requires a person to be pathologised. I honour, support, and encourage harm reduction for all people engaging in any kind of behaviour or thought process that may be causing them harm or may have the potential to cause them harm. I also understand firsthand how the journey of recovery is not linear, but is lifelong and personal, and is sprinkled with a million small steps and choices, made every day, along the way. I am not afraid of including or bringing religion and spirituality into the therapeutic space, should a client want or need to do so. These aspects are just as important to a person's journey and wellbeing as any other aspect of their life. I am of the opinion that exploring these aspects within a safe, supportive, and therapeutic space allows for authentic contemplation and expression without the pressure to perform, perfect, adhere, or commit to any specific religious or spiritual pathway. Finally, aspects of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy (“Parts Work”) are things that I organically and innately understood and expressed in general and casual, every day conversations with people starting when I was as young as 10 or 11. I have always viewed our internal lives in ways aligned with IFS principles and ideas. It is near impossible for me to not talk about different parts wanting different things, especially when clients present with internal conflicts about situations or decisions in their lives. If IFS is something you are uncomfortable with, unless you are prepared to be challenged in this area, I am likely not an appropriate therapist for you.