Ms. Rebecca Tsopelas

LMHC

"It's not about the milkshake." This has become one of the guiding principles of my work as a therapist. Nearly 20 years ago, while working on an inpatient psychiatric unit, I supported a young client with significant behavioral and emotional challenges. After weeks of building trust and creating a treatment plan that she had responded to beautifully, she was rewarded with a chocolate milkshake. She wanted a different flavor instead and, in a moment of overwhelming emotion, threw the milkshake against the wall. Many people around me saw a child who was being defiant or ungrateful. I saw a child whose behavior was communicating something much deeper. The milkshake wasn't the problem. That experience taught me one of the most important lessons of my career: behavior is communication. Whether it's anger, withdrawal, self-injury, perfectionism, conflict in a relationship, or anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere, our behaviors almost always make sense when we understand the story behind them. As a therapist, I try to approach every person with curiosity rather than judgment. I believe lasting change comes from understanding behaviors in the context of someone's experiences, relationships, and nervous system—not simply trying to eliminate the behavior itself. When people feel truly seen and understood, they are much more likely to experience the safety, connection, and growth that make healing possible. To this day, whenever I encounter a difficult moment in therapy or in life, I remind myself: it's not about the milkshake.